Gifts For First Time Mothers

I know a lot of women who are currently pregnant, or they have recently given birth to a child.

Well, I am not invited to every baby shower. Nor does every mother get the opportunity to have one. But if I am not invited to a baby shower, yet I want to give a gift I try to make it meaningful.

No, not pottery!

Personally, I love to give a huge Amazon gift card over any other gift, and I enjoy making gifts, just not for new mothers! Parents-to-be spend tons of time researching for a reason, so it’s always tough to buy anything other than clothes without guidance from a place like Amazon. This way, they can buy what they need with the gift card.

I know that this is the whole purpose of the baby shower, but as I said, I am not invited to every baby shower. Nor would I be able to attend.

Still if this can be avoided I will, since people of parents spend time putting a registry together. Most people keep their registry public and it might be easy to find. You can check all the main sights (Amazon, Target, Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, Wal-Mart, etc) just by searching the registry part with her name.

Or, by, heaven forbid simply asking. I have a few out of state co workers and they flat out just said “tell me where you are registered!”. Otherwise, I say gift card with a nice card with a personal note (email) from everyone.

While a gift card may not be as exciting for you to buy, it’s awesome to have as a new mom so you can get those practical things that weren’t purchased from your registry, or those items that you didn’t even know you’d need until you need them!

Besides as a new parent you always need more diapers.

I will also usually gift the mom a hospital care bag – pack of hair ties, dry shampoo, no-slip socks, pack of quarters for the dad to use in vending machines, etc. Nothing, too, expensive.

Each one is different but I buy a cute makeup bag and fill it depending on what I think that mom will need.

So far I know every single mom has used it! I gift this along with something from the registry for baby so it feels more like a thoughtful thing

Conflict Mitigation

I’ve had a long standing policy of not interfering unless are children are actually in danger. It has worked out well so far, since they have figured out how to communicate clearly.

This is between children.

What is bad communciation is when it is not appropriate. You would not teach your daughter to tell the kid, “No thank you.”

I hate that.

I saw it a lot with toddlers where one child hits another, the victim is taught to say, “No thank you,” as though the aggressor offered him a cookie. I say, say “No” or “I don’t like that” or whatever in a strong voice, but don’t thank the offender.

They haven’t done anything nice.

I have seen some incidents where other parents react to other peoples kids.

I don’t think a rise should be given out of either parties parents. I feel it horrible to berade a parent while their child is watching. Also the people yelling at the other parent in front of their kid.

Horible to watch and see the reaction of their kids afterwards. I think to watch your childs reaction to the issue. Then give a corrective response for the child to work on next time. Because there always is a next time. I feel that kids need to learn how to react on their own.

Not based on someone elses reaction to the problem. If there is a need I think there should be a calm confrontation to the other childs parents about their child. Not to the child that is causing the problem because maybe that child could be scarred forever from confrontation.

Adults can be intimidating to children.

There Is More To It Than That

Gender norms are shifting pretty heavily. Sixty years ago, it seemed natural that mothers provided for emotional needs while fathers provided for physical needs.

Many mothers cut off from wider society and so many fathers left unable to connect with their children and then their children growing up thinking that this is normal.

It’s wrong.

Most people turned out fine under that system; it’s not inherently bad. It’s more problematic in countries that place a lot of emphasis on equality, though, since saying that women HAVE to stay at home and be mothers while men HAVE to go out and be breadwinners flies in the face of the idea of equality. So the culture has shifted over time.

There’s increasing acceptance of working mothers and stay-at-home fathers, and increasing expectations that fathers will help provide for the emotional needs of their children.

It’s still not equal by any means; women are still expected to provide for emotional needs more and men are still expected to provide for physical needs more. But there’s MUCH more acceptance of working mothers in particular, and I do think there’s more of an expectation that fathers will be involved in the emotional well-being of their children. But it’s not all the way there, and our history is a big part of that.

If it bothers you, all you can really do is work towards equality in your own relationships and join advocacy groups that fight the social systems that prevent further change (e.g. limited paid maternity leave for mothers, little or no paid paternity leave for fathers).

Some women think that popping out some kids at 20 years old makes them an adult and makes them special and gives meaning to their lives.

And they’re happy and content just to “be a mother” and people around them echo that sentiment and they all think that being a mother is just the greatest accomplishment for a woman ever. And while they’re patting each other on the back over their motherhoods, their little shit kids are off wiping their boogers on somebody else’s pants in the other room.

People ought not to place value simply on “motherhood.”

On “being a mom.” The value should be placed on being a good mom. On raising a good kid. On raising a smart kid. On raising a compassionate kid.

And all these same values should be equally placed on fathers. It should be seen as a joint role – the role of “good parent” – that both mother and father (or any mix thereof) take equally.

That society respects and expects of both parents, regardless of gender, equally.